Control

God is good. That is all. I have been realizing this SOO much lately. God is so good to save me from myself and to give me chance after chance after chance to do right and to live for Him. I want to. I want Him to have complete control. That is my heart's desire right here, right now. But this is so often easier said than done. It is easier to say " I want God to have control" than to actually GIVE Him control. I have definitely experienced this in my life. There have been so many times when I have honestly wanted to give God control and to allow Him to control my life; but I haven't. Why not? Why is it so stinking hard to just give up and let Him rule my life? This is still a HUGE question in my life right now, but I think I might be getting closer to the answer, but I am not there yet. All I know for now is that the answer is in His Word and in submitting to it when He shows me something that I need to change. Basically, repentance. Well, these are just some thoughts that have been running through my head lately. Hope they are an encouragement!

I regret the hours I have wasted,
And the pleasures I have tasted
That You were never in.
And I confess that though Your love is in me,
It doesn't always win me
When competing with my sin!

And I repent!
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

I lament the idols I've accepted;
The commandments I've rejected
To pursue my selfish end.
And I confess I need You to revive me;
Put selfishness behind me;
And take up my cross again!

And I repent! 
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return 
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

~ Stephanie ~ 
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

Surrender

In selfishness and pride,

I cling to what is mine.

In stubbornness I hold back things from God.

And at times it seems to me,

That He holds back things from me,

So I try to put things where I clearly see.

And as to my rights I hold,

His soft voice speaks to my soul,

And in brokenness I relinquish all control.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

When I take control from Him,

And drift back into sin;

When I start getting worried and confused,

When I don't understand;

Things aren't going as I planned.

I can put my broken life back in His hands.

He will heal and He'll forgive,

Then in fellowship I'll live,

And with power from me He'll banish Satan's sin.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

This song has been a huge challenge and encouragement to me lately. I have just been realizing more and more that I need to simply let go and let God be God and trust that He DOES indeed have a GOOD plan for my life, and He will work that plan out in my life no matter what it takes. My prayer the past few days has been "Lord, break me. Whatever the cost, whatever the pain, break me." I want to be used by God and I want to be so close to Him that nothing can move me and nothing can cause me to doubt Him. I want to be so in love with Him and so overwhelmed by His love that I can do nothing but respond in humble obedience and love. As Christmas is right around the corner in about five days, I want Christmas this year to be about Him and about His birth, not about me and what I am getting for Christmas. I want to give HIM a gift rather than simply receiving His wonderful gift. After all, it is HIS birthday, not mine. How would I feel if on my birthday, I gave everyone presents and no one gave me anything? I would feel pretty rotten. So why should He be any different? It is His birthday, and He gave us the ultimate gift and we, in response, give everyone else gifts but give nothing to Him! I am so ashamed of myself and of my selfishness. I want to give Him the only thing I CAN give Him--my life!

~ Stephanie ~
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

Broken

Broken...what does it really mean? According to Dictionary.com broken means "reduced to fragments; fragmented. Ruptured, torn, fractured." Wow...this struck me as I read the meaning. Have I been broken? Do I become broken over my sin? What does it take to break me? Once broken, how do you put back the pieces? How do you use something that is broken? How can a potter use something that is broken? These are questions that I have asked myself over and over. My life as a vessel has been broken over and over, and often of my own doing. Many times the potter has to break us so He CAN use us. If He tried to use or sell an ugly vessel, that would not go very well. So He has to break the vessel so He can remake it into something better. So being broken IS a good thing! I often look at being broken as something that is unpleasant, painful and not good, but sometimes being broken is the best thing for me. If I continue to live unbroken, then I will continue to live as an ugly vessel that cannot be used. There is only one rational response to this knowledge: submission. If I submit to God's breaking, then He can break me and make me more beautiful for Him. Whereas if i resist His breaking, it only makes the breaking even more painful. It seems to make sense: submit to God's process of breaking, and it won't be as painful. So then why is it so hard to do just that: submit? Why do I resist God's breaking? Why do I fight something that I know will be good for me in the end? There is only one answer; pride. Me in my stubborn pride just won't let go. I don't want the discomfort even though I know the end will be so worth it. I would rather be in my sin and be comfortable "for a season," than to be broken now and experience the forgiveness and peace of God. Honestly, that is stupid! And I can only say that because I have done it so many times. It is hard not to resist pain. It is hard to just let the pain come for now and keep my mind focused on the "eternal weight of glory." Lord, break me and help me to yield to Your breaking. "Make me as clay in the Potter's hands."

"Over and over He molds and He makes me. Into His likeness, He fashions the clay. A vessel of mercy I am today all because Jesus did not throw the clay away."


Thank You, Lord, for not throwing this piece of clay away. Thank You for not giving up on me when I failed You so much.

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*