Control

God is good. That is all. I have been realizing this SOO much lately. God is so good to save me from myself and to give me chance after chance after chance to do right and to live for Him. I want to. I want Him to have complete control. That is my heart's desire right here, right now. But this is so often easier said than done. It is easier to say " I want God to have control" than to actually GIVE Him control. I have definitely experienced this in my life. There have been so many times when I have honestly wanted to give God control and to allow Him to control my life; but I haven't. Why not? Why is it so stinking hard to just give up and let Him rule my life? This is still a HUGE question in my life right now, but I think I might be getting closer to the answer, but I am not there yet. All I know for now is that the answer is in His Word and in submitting to it when He shows me something that I need to change. Basically, repentance. Well, these are just some thoughts that have been running through my head lately. Hope they are an encouragement!

I regret the hours I have wasted,
And the pleasures I have tasted
That You were never in.
And I confess that though Your love is in me,
It doesn't always win me
When competing with my sin!

And I repent!
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

I lament the idols I've accepted;
The commandments I've rejected
To pursue my selfish end.
And I confess I need You to revive me;
Put selfishness behind me;
And take up my cross again!

And I repent! 
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return 
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

~ Stephanie ~ 
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

What is My Desire? (Psalm 119:57-72)

This passage has been a huge challenge to me lately, so I thought I would share it with you guys. This section of verses starts and ends with the Psalmist's desire - God and His Word. That for one thing made me stop and ask myself - "What is my desire? Do I desire the Lord? Is He the one Who satisfies my deepest longings?" God is the ONLY one Who can satisfy me! He is the only one Who can give me TRUE joy! So why then do I go around trying to make other people or things satisfy me? That doesn't even make sense? It is my sinful self that causes me to do that. That is why I have to, each day, crucify my flesh and submit to God's leading and control in my life. Then the Psalmist goes on in verses 58 through 64 to list the things that he has done and how he has been obeying the Lord in every aspect of his life. That was a challenge to me of my actions. Am I always obeying God, or do I try to satisfy myself sometimes and make it look like I am obeying the Lord? In the middle of this section of verses, the Psalmist mentions that he rises at midnight to give thanks to the Lord for His works and righteousness. Is that my character? Will I at any time of the day or night drop what I am doing (even sleeping) to praise the Lord? I normally don't do that! Then in verses 65 through 71 the Psalmist basically presents to us a three-point sermon:
I. Affliction is Good!
II. Affliction Teaches Me Obedience.
III. Affliction Teaches Me God's Word.
In verse 67 the Psalmist says "BEFORE I was afflicted I went astray: BUT..." So affliction is a good thing because it brings me back to the Lord and to His Word. Then in the rest of verse 67 the Psalmist say that "now have I kept Thy Word." This shows that affliction teaches me to obey the Lord. When I am not doing right, I don't just obey God. I want nothing to do with God! Then in verse 68 the Psalmist goes back to the point of affliction being good. God brings affliction, and the Psalmist says "Thou art good, and doest good;" God IS good in His very essence and character! EVERYTHING He does(even bringing trials in my life) is GOOD! Wow. That is a hard reality to accept and grasp. Then in verse 71 the Psalmist says "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes." He is saying finally that affliction teaches me God's Word. When I am going through a hard time, that is when I tend to be in God's Word the most. I go to the Word for comfort and satisfaction when I am hurting. But when everything is okay, then I have no reason to go to God's Word because I can make it on my own. Then God has to break me and bring a trial in my life to teach me that I need Him and His Word to make it even in the good times. Then in verse 72, the last verse of this section, the Psalmist says that the Word of God is more valuable to him than "thousands of gold and silver." How much does God's Word mean to me? Do I desire it above anything else? That is a strong statement to make. I know that I cannot make it. Anyway, I hope this is an encouragement and even a challenge to everyone who reads it. Let God be everything in your life, and He will satisfy the desires of your heart!


~"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." (Psalm 37:4)~

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*

I want more!

Lord, I want more of You;
I want to know You.
Not just in my head, but in my heart.
I want You to fill me.
I want Your Spirit to control me.
When I am weak,
I want You to be strong.
When I am in pain,
I want to know You are there.
I want my life to be filled with You.
When other people see me,
I want them to see You.
I want to be less me and more You.
I want You to be my heart's only desire.
I want to love You more than anyone or anything else.
I want life to be about You not me.
But I can't do that on my own.
My flesh is so bent to sinning and desiring other things.
I want to be rid of this sinful flesh! I want it no longer!
Lord, break me of myself.
I can't do this on my own!
I can't do anything apart from You.
I need You!

"I need Thee every hour most gracious Lord!"

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*

School is out; what am I supposed to do?

Wow! This first semester at NIU has gone by so fast. I have learned a lot of things, met a ton of new people, made some friends that I will never forget, and some that I would rather go ahead and forget. But most importantly I have grown closer to my God. He has taught me so many things this semester, and even more over break. I have never been humbled quite as much or quite as often as this year. God has brought me through many trials and circumstances that, without Him, I would never have made it through. But if there is one thing I have learned, it is this: His grace is sufficient! He will never bring more into my life at one time than I can handle. He wll always be there right next to me guiding me each step of the way. He loves me with an everlasting love. He is "Lord of the ages, God before time." He created everything, and everything was created to bring Him glory. Even humans. Yes, we as humans were created to bring glory to a power greater than ourselves. That is the beauty of it all! Life is not all about me; it's not all about my friends; it's not all about the movie stars; it's about God! He wants, deserves, and will get all of me; I can simply refuse and reject him, or I can embrace His love for me and live for Him. It's my choice. I love and serve Him because I want to, not because I have to. The best thing about this year has got to be the fact that this is the year that the Lord brought me to a saving knowledge of Him. He is so gracious to do that for me after so many years of me rejecting Him and living life the way I wanted to. I love my Savior more than ever, and this week, on Monday morning, I gave my life to Him. I want Him to have all of me. Nothing more, nothing less. I surrender all.

"I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all!"

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*