Control

God is good. That is all. I have been realizing this SOO much lately. God is so good to save me from myself and to give me chance after chance after chance to do right and to live for Him. I want to. I want Him to have complete control. That is my heart's desire right here, right now. But this is so often easier said than done. It is easier to say " I want God to have control" than to actually GIVE Him control. I have definitely experienced this in my life. There have been so many times when I have honestly wanted to give God control and to allow Him to control my life; but I haven't. Why not? Why is it so stinking hard to just give up and let Him rule my life? This is still a HUGE question in my life right now, but I think I might be getting closer to the answer, but I am not there yet. All I know for now is that the answer is in His Word and in submitting to it when He shows me something that I need to change. Basically, repentance. Well, these are just some thoughts that have been running through my head lately. Hope they are an encouragement!

I regret the hours I have wasted,
And the pleasures I have tasted
That You were never in.
And I confess that though Your love is in me,
It doesn't always win me
When competing with my sin!

And I repent!
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

I lament the idols I've accepted;
The commandments I've rejected
To pursue my selfish end.
And I confess I need You to revive me;
Put selfishness behind me;
And take up my cross again!

And I repent! 
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return 
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

~ Stephanie ~ 
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

Surrender

In selfishness and pride,

I cling to what is mine.

In stubbornness I hold back things from God.

And at times it seems to me,

That He holds back things from me,

So I try to put things where I clearly see.

And as to my rights I hold,

His soft voice speaks to my soul,

And in brokenness I relinquish all control.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

When I take control from Him,

And drift back into sin;

When I start getting worried and confused,

When I don't understand;

Things aren't going as I planned.

I can put my broken life back in His hands.

He will heal and He'll forgive,

Then in fellowship I'll live,

And with power from me He'll banish Satan's sin.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

This song has been a huge challenge and encouragement to me lately. I have just been realizing more and more that I need to simply let go and let God be God and trust that He DOES indeed have a GOOD plan for my life, and He will work that plan out in my life no matter what it takes. My prayer the past few days has been "Lord, break me. Whatever the cost, whatever the pain, break me." I want to be used by God and I want to be so close to Him that nothing can move me and nothing can cause me to doubt Him. I want to be so in love with Him and so overwhelmed by His love that I can do nothing but respond in humble obedience and love. As Christmas is right around the corner in about five days, I want Christmas this year to be about Him and about His birth, not about me and what I am getting for Christmas. I want to give HIM a gift rather than simply receiving His wonderful gift. After all, it is HIS birthday, not mine. How would I feel if on my birthday, I gave everyone presents and no one gave me anything? I would feel pretty rotten. So why should He be any different? It is His birthday, and He gave us the ultimate gift and we, in response, give everyone else gifts but give nothing to Him! I am so ashamed of myself and of my selfishness. I want to give Him the only thing I CAN give Him--my life!

~ Stephanie ~
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

"I'll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams!"

This year this song hurts more than ever. I found out this morning that I in fact WON'T be going home for Christmas. Why? Well, plane tickets are too expensive. But really why? Why does God have to keep bringing things into my life that hurt? What is the point? What is He trying to accomplish this time? "Lord, this hurts! Show me what You are trying to do so I can do it and then the pain can stop coming!" This prayer has been running through my mind the past few days. When will the pain stop? I know God is good IN SPITE of the pain, but why can't I see the good? I know that God has a bigger and better plan, but why can't I see it?(Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He works out EVERYTHING for good, but why can't I see that "good?"(Romans 8:28) It is so hard in the midst of painful and difficult circumstances to "rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."(Philippians 4:4) "YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."(Habakkuk 3:18) I can and I MUST rejoice in the Lord in ALL things, whether "good" or "bad." I can and must TRUST that He does indeed have a plan and that plan is better than my plan. I am an insignificant human, yet my loving God takes thought of me. He loves me and wants me to love and trust Him with my whole heart. Complete and utter dedication and trust is what He desires and requires. Until He has that, He will continue to slowly take things away whether they are big or small, significant or insignificant. He will continue to break me and draw me closer to Himself until He has all of my heart and not just part of it. This is a hard place to be in, but it is SUCH  a wonderful place to be in. In this place, I come to the realization that God indeed never gives up on me. He is still working on me and will continue til the day I die!(Philippians 1:6)

~ Stephanie ~ 
   *Phil. 3:13-14*