Control

God is good. That is all. I have been realizing this SOO much lately. God is so good to save me from myself and to give me chance after chance after chance to do right and to live for Him. I want to. I want Him to have complete control. That is my heart's desire right here, right now. But this is so often easier said than done. It is easier to say " I want God to have control" than to actually GIVE Him control. I have definitely experienced this in my life. There have been so many times when I have honestly wanted to give God control and to allow Him to control my life; but I haven't. Why not? Why is it so stinking hard to just give up and let Him rule my life? This is still a HUGE question in my life right now, but I think I might be getting closer to the answer, but I am not there yet. All I know for now is that the answer is in His Word and in submitting to it when He shows me something that I need to change. Basically, repentance. Well, these are just some thoughts that have been running through my head lately. Hope they are an encouragement!

I regret the hours I have wasted,
And the pleasures I have tasted
That You were never in.
And I confess that though Your love is in me,
It doesn't always win me
When competing with my sin!

And I repent!
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

I lament the idols I've accepted;
The commandments I've rejected
To pursue my selfish end.
And I confess I need You to revive me;
Put selfishness behind me;
And take up my cross again!

And I repent! 
Making no excuses!
I repent!
No one else to blame!
And I return 
To fall in love with Jesus!
I bow down on my knees,
And I repent!

~ Stephanie ~ 
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

Surrender

In selfishness and pride,

I cling to what is mine.

In stubbornness I hold back things from God.

And at times it seems to me,

That He holds back things from me,

So I try to put things where I clearly see.

And as to my rights I hold,

His soft voice speaks to my soul,

And in brokenness I relinquish all control.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

When I take control from Him,

And drift back into sin;

When I start getting worried and confused,

When I don't understand;

Things aren't going as I planned.

I can put my broken life back in His hands.

He will heal and He'll forgive,

Then in fellowship I'll live,

And with power from me He'll banish Satan's sin.

I let Him lead!

Now I hear His voice!

And instead of strife and pride,

Now my will is crucified.

So in full surrender now I've made my choice:

Your will be done

In my life, O Lord.

Now I know I will be blessed,

For my Savior does what's best.

Now I can finally rest.

This song has been a huge challenge and encouragement to me lately. I have just been realizing more and more that I need to simply let go and let God be God and trust that He DOES indeed have a GOOD plan for my life, and He will work that plan out in my life no matter what it takes. My prayer the past few days has been "Lord, break me. Whatever the cost, whatever the pain, break me." I want to be used by God and I want to be so close to Him that nothing can move me and nothing can cause me to doubt Him. I want to be so in love with Him and so overwhelmed by His love that I can do nothing but respond in humble obedience and love. As Christmas is right around the corner in about five days, I want Christmas this year to be about Him and about His birth, not about me and what I am getting for Christmas. I want to give HIM a gift rather than simply receiving His wonderful gift. After all, it is HIS birthday, not mine. How would I feel if on my birthday, I gave everyone presents and no one gave me anything? I would feel pretty rotten. So why should He be any different? It is His birthday, and He gave us the ultimate gift and we, in response, give everyone else gifts but give nothing to Him! I am so ashamed of myself and of my selfishness. I want to give Him the only thing I CAN give Him--my life!

~ Stephanie ~
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

"I'll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams!"

This year this song hurts more than ever. I found out this morning that I in fact WON'T be going home for Christmas. Why? Well, plane tickets are too expensive. But really why? Why does God have to keep bringing things into my life that hurt? What is the point? What is He trying to accomplish this time? "Lord, this hurts! Show me what You are trying to do so I can do it and then the pain can stop coming!" This prayer has been running through my mind the past few days. When will the pain stop? I know God is good IN SPITE of the pain, but why can't I see the good? I know that God has a bigger and better plan, but why can't I see it?(Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He works out EVERYTHING for good, but why can't I see that "good?"(Romans 8:28) It is so hard in the midst of painful and difficult circumstances to "rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."(Philippians 4:4) "YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."(Habakkuk 3:18) I can and I MUST rejoice in the Lord in ALL things, whether "good" or "bad." I can and must TRUST that He does indeed have a plan and that plan is better than my plan. I am an insignificant human, yet my loving God takes thought of me. He loves me and wants me to love and trust Him with my whole heart. Complete and utter dedication and trust is what He desires and requires. Until He has that, He will continue to slowly take things away whether they are big or small, significant or insignificant. He will continue to break me and draw me closer to Himself until He has all of my heart and not just part of it. This is a hard place to be in, but it is SUCH  a wonderful place to be in. In this place, I come to the realization that God indeed never gives up on me. He is still working on me and will continue til the day I die!(Philippians 1:6)

~ Stephanie ~ 
   *Phil. 3:13-14*

All I Have is Christ!

I once was lost in darkest night
and thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
a rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still!

But as I ran my hell-bound race
indifferent to the cost,
You looked upon my helpless state
and led me to the cross.
And I beheld God's love displayed:
You suffered in my place,
You bore the wrath reserved for me,
now all I know is grace!

HALLELUIAH!
ALL I HAVE IS CHRIST!
HALLELUIAH!
JESUS IS MY LIFE!

Now Lord, I would be Yours alone,
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose,
And let my song forever be:
"My only boast is You!"

HALLELUIAH!
ALL I HAVE IS CHRIST!
HALLELUIAH!
JESUS IS MY LIFE!

This song has been such a challenge to me lately. My condition before salvation was lost. I was in darkness. I could not please God, I could not do anything worth any merit. "But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us, even when we were dead in sins hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) (Ephesians 2:4-5)." Wow. That is amazing to me. Why God, who is so almighty and powerful and sovereign, would come to die for me and take the punishment for my sin is unfathomable. I cannot and never will understand it. But it happened, and now, by God's grace, I am saved, and I can say "Halleluiah! All I have is Christ! Halleluiah! Jesus is my life!" Because Christ's death on the cross gave me life, I can say that He is all I have, and He is my life. He is the One who gave me life. I did not conjure that up on my own. I couldn't. I am not intelligent enough to think up something so incredibly unthinkable. But I do know that because of that act of love and mercy, the third verse of this song should be true in my life: "Father, use my ransomed life in any way You choose." Christ saved me and bought me; therefore, He owns me. My life is His to use in any way He desires to use it. But He still gives me the power to choose how I want to live my life: do I want to live my life my way, or am I going to give over control to Him and let Him lead? That is a question I find myself asking very often. How thankful am I that Christ saved me? Am I thankful enough to give Him my life? Are you?

~ Stephanie ~ 
    *Phil. 3:13-14*

School is out; what am I supposed to do?

Wow! This first semester at NIU has gone by so fast. I have learned a lot of things, met a ton of new people, made some friends that I will never forget, and some that I would rather go ahead and forget. But most importantly I have grown closer to my God. He has taught me so many things this semester, and even more over break. I have never been humbled quite as much or quite as often as this year. God has brought me through many trials and circumstances that, without Him, I would never have made it through. But if there is one thing I have learned, it is this: His grace is sufficient! He will never bring more into my life at one time than I can handle. He wll always be there right next to me guiding me each step of the way. He loves me with an everlasting love. He is "Lord of the ages, God before time." He created everything, and everything was created to bring Him glory. Even humans. Yes, we as humans were created to bring glory to a power greater than ourselves. That is the beauty of it all! Life is not all about me; it's not all about my friends; it's not all about the movie stars; it's about God! He wants, deserves, and will get all of me; I can simply refuse and reject him, or I can embrace His love for me and live for Him. It's my choice. I love and serve Him because I want to, not because I have to. The best thing about this year has got to be the fact that this is the year that the Lord brought me to a saving knowledge of Him. He is so gracious to do that for me after so many years of me rejecting Him and living life the way I wanted to. I love my Savior more than ever, and this week, on Monday morning, I gave my life to Him. I want Him to have all of me. Nothing more, nothing less. I surrender all.

"I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all!"

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*