"I'll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams!"

This year this song hurts more than ever. I found out this morning that I in fact WON'T be going home for Christmas. Why? Well, plane tickets are too expensive. But really why? Why does God have to keep bringing things into my life that hurt? What is the point? What is He trying to accomplish this time? "Lord, this hurts! Show me what You are trying to do so I can do it and then the pain can stop coming!" This prayer has been running through my mind the past few days. When will the pain stop? I know God is good IN SPITE of the pain, but why can't I see the good? I know that God has a bigger and better plan, but why can't I see it?(Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He works out EVERYTHING for good, but why can't I see that "good?"(Romans 8:28) It is so hard in the midst of painful and difficult circumstances to "rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."(Philippians 4:4) "YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."(Habakkuk 3:18) I can and I MUST rejoice in the Lord in ALL things, whether "good" or "bad." I can and must TRUST that He does indeed have a plan and that plan is better than my plan. I am an insignificant human, yet my loving God takes thought of me. He loves me and wants me to love and trust Him with my whole heart. Complete and utter dedication and trust is what He desires and requires. Until He has that, He will continue to slowly take things away whether they are big or small, significant or insignificant. He will continue to break me and draw me closer to Himself until He has all of my heart and not just part of it. This is a hard place to be in, but it is SUCH  a wonderful place to be in. In this place, I come to the realization that God indeed never gives up on me. He is still working on me and will continue til the day I die!(Philippians 1:6)

~ Stephanie ~ 
   *Phil. 3:13-14*

"Trust in the Lord, and do good..."

Ok. So I haven't posted anything in a while. I guess it's just because I have had so much going on that I haven't felt like posting. The past couple of weeks God has really been pounding me with the struggle of trusting Him and being satisfied with Him. This is such a hard concept for me to grasp. Many people say that the image that your father has in your eyes affects the way you view God. That is so true! When I was little my dad left. He doesn't live with us, and he many times does not really care. There are so many times when this is the way I view God. I view Him as a God who is there, but doesn't care. He doesn't really love me. I know down in my heart that this is not true, but sometimes I get my focus off of the truth and I start focusing on my circumstances and on myself and I lose sight of who God really is. He is a good and loving God. He is in control, and He knows what He is doing. This week has really taught me this, and there is a song that has really been helping me keep my focus:

O God, my Joy, You reign above
In glorious splendor and beauty.
Your Word has drawn my heart to love
The awesome sight of Your glory.
Your blazing light and gospel grace
Shine brightly from my Savior's face.
No other wonder would I see
Than Christ enthroned in His glory.


Sustained by joy in trial and pain,
I trust Your wisdom and mercy.
Through suffering that Your love ordains,
More like Your Son You will make me.
For Christ embraced the cross of shame
Beholding glorious joys to come.
Oh, give me faith like His to see
That suffering lifts me to glory.

Compelled by joy I fight the sin
That turns my gaze from Your glory.
Your Holy Spirit dwells within.
His presence arms me for vic'try.
Let death and hell against me rise.
Through death I'll gain eternal joys.
All powers of hell will bend the knee
Before my great King of Glory!

This song has been such an encouragement to me through the past weeks. Just knowing and coming to grips with the fact that God is working everything out for my good and for His glory; knowing that this is happening in my life to grow me and to change me; knowing that God is making me more like His Son. That has been a great help. I hope this is an encouragement to you guys. I know it has been for me.


"And we know that ALL things work together for GOOD to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

~ Stephanie ~

   *Phil. 3:13-14*